August 29, 2023
“What are you doing these days?”
“How’s your summer been?”
“Doing anything exciting? Traveling anywhere?”
At recent gatherings my husband and I have been asked these or similar questions. Twice I answered,
“We’re just boring old people.” That may be true, but we are not without interests and activities, and it is rare that I feel bored.
Why then is it so hard to answer the question? It is easier for me to share Bruce’s gardening at home and at church and his painting and then selling discarded furniture with proceeds going to Lutheran Social Services programs for homeless youth. And it is easier to share the activities of our grands–Maren’s semester in Greece this fall after working at Northern Lights Family Camp all summer and Peter’s recent hiking trip in the Rockies and now starting his sophomore year of high school and playing football.
Why is it so hard for me to share what I am doing? After all, I love what I am privileged to do.
Most of my days feel rich and full, so why am I uncomfortable sharing the ways I experience this time of my life?
I don’t have an easy answer, but I wonder if at least part of the answer is that what I do, I do most days. I read. I pray. I hometend. I pay bills. I go to Target. I watch yet another series on BritBox. I answer emails and go for walks. I spend time with friends and family and roam backroads with my husband. I go to church.
The stuff of life. The normal stuff of life. The movement from day to day.
I also meet with my spiritual direction clients and plan sessions for the weekly contemplative writing group at church and organize occasional events for Third Chapter, Spirituality As We Age, also at church. I write two posts every week for this blog and am always working on an essay to submit to various publications.
These activities are also the stuff of my life. The normal stuff of my life. The movement from day to day.
In that ongoing movement I try to pay attention and notice the movement of God.
That’s what I do with my days.
Perhaps I need to practice answering the question. I need to have an answer I can pull out of my back pocket–an answer that is simple and accurate, but in some way expresses the constellation of my life.
“Thanks for asking. Life is rich and full. How privileged I feel being able to do what matters to me. Yesterday, for example, I ….”
I love the familiar Annie Dillard quote, “How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives. What we do with this hour, and that one, is what we are doing.”
Exciting days? Not so much. Big travel plans. Not really, except for our weekend rambles and our road trip to see our Cleveland kids in the fall. No, we are not going to Greece to visit Maren. This is her time, her adventure, and we will rejoice in what she shares.
Instead, we are living fully and deeply and joyfully in the stuff of each day.
An Invitation
How do you answer the “what are you doing?” questions? I would love to know.
Note:
One of the women in my personal writing group has just had an important article about the perils of wetlands published. I encourage you to read it. https://minnesotareformer.com/2023/08/25/u-s-supreme-court-has-put-precious-wetlands-in-peril/
Living on Life's Labyrinth 
Sounds to me like your life is very busy and full, but I get it. I’ve struggled with the same thing. All the things that are so meaningful to you that fill your days never sound quite glamorous or exciting enough when you say them out loud!
The thing I have learned is that people who ask that question, even though they care about you, don’t really care too much about what you reply. They are just waiting for you to ask the same question back! :):)
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Yes, I am sorry to say that is often the case, especially if the person asking has big travel plans. At the same time it is important for me to own the ways I choose to live my life.
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You are doing many good things. I can certainly speak for the writing group experience since we’re on break and I miss that connection and experience!
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Thanks so much. You are such a good cheerleader. I, too, look forward to resuming the weekly writing group NEXT WEEK.
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I always have a story of some sort to share. Perhaps I bore people, but they seem to listen. Today’s story would be the patio cleaning that lead to an ant invasion of the cat food which lead to me bringing ants into the house on my clothing to me going back out on the patio and taking off my clothes and hoping no neighbors were looking through the fence.
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I am smiling!!!
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This post is perfectly appropriate for me. I feel that our culture wants us to be “doing” all the time and I just want to be “being” in this last phase of my life. We go for walks, I work in the yard, I crochet, I read lots of books, I see my sisters and my friends, I care for our dear animal family members and for our house and I help Paul with his website and writing projects. And…sometimes, I just sit on our porch and watch the birds and feel the breeze and be grateful for excellent health and for my new hip and for the loves in my beautiful life.
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Oh Sue, this all sounds so lovely. Thanks for sharing.
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I am in my early 60’s and not working outside the home. I also get asked this question a lot and struggle to answer it. My life isn’t exciting to outsiders, I suppose, but I am content. Never bored. My days are filled with hometending, yoga, walks, reading, journaling, photography, working in my art journal, planning all our meals, doing all the cooking, sometimes baking, taking care of my kitty, gardening, errands, getting together with friends and family, partaking in Reiki shares and in writer’s groups. We haven’t traveled because our kitty is old and in stage 4 kidney disease.
I like your planned response of, “Thanks for asking. Life is rich and full…” I think I might borrow that! I could even end right there. I’m rather shy when it comes to talking about myself out loud to others. 🙂
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Content and never bored. Perfect. You are, of course, welcome to use or adapt my new response.
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Thanks so much for this. So beautiful! It’s the second time this week I’ve come across the Annie Dillard quote. I take that as a nudge toward something which I’ll have to work on discerning!
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There are no coincidences. After I posted yesterday, I read the same Annie Dillard quote someplace else too. I wonder where your discernment will lead you.
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