June 27, 2023

Wednesdays are my designated writing days; one day each week to write for venues other than my blog. After recently submitting essays to two online publications, I felt unfocused. I had no shortage of ideas, topics, and themes to explore, but I felt unsettled. As someone who likes to be productive and certainly doesn’t want to waste my precious Writing Wednesdays, I was irritated with myself.

The majority of my essay ideas relate to aging as a spiritual practice. I jotted down possible topics, including clearing the space, sacred yes and sacred no, and opening to a more contemplative life. These topics all appeal to me, and I think are important ones to share with others, but I just couldn’t move my fingers on the keyboard. Sigh.

Then I remembered the collage I made when I turned 70 in 2018. I made that collage both to honor that milestone birthday, but also to envision how I hope to live as I age. For the past five years that collage has been a touchstone as I made decisions about ways to spend my time and use my gifts.

Perhaps it was time to make a new collage. I turned 75 this past April, and frankly, that new number felt daunting to me. Scary is too strong of a word, but I confess I didn’t feel as lighthearted or as blasé about this birthday as I have in other years. Don’t get me wrong, I am grateful to be 75 and beyond grateful for the privileged, lovely, and loving life I have, but still, I can feel myself holding my breath as I think about this time in my life.

Making the Collage

I quickly sifted through the stash of pictures I keep in a pretty flowered box; pictures torn out of magazines, outdated calendars, and greeting cards too appealing to toss. I quickly sorted them into two piles: the “maybe” pile and the “nope, not today” pile. Selecting some of the images from the “maybe” pile, I arranged and pasted pictures on two pages of a large sketchbook. I did this quickly, not reflectively.

Almost every collage I have made over the years has included at least one open door, and this one is no exception, but beyond the doorway is darkness.

I also see a hazy picture of a person holding an open book, along with shelves of books in a light comfortable setting that reminds me of my beloved garret. And a sleek fountain pen similar to the one I use when I write in my journal; a long-ago gift from my husband.

Fall scenes and winter scenes. A branch of bittersweet, and an empty porch swing covered with snow. A lit lantern, a feather, a view through the windshield of a car. Two people at sunset.

And words.

Light

Breath

View from here

Prayer

Pause

Content

I selected two quotations, as well.

You don’t always have to try so hard to live each day to the fullest. Each day is full all on its own. All you have to do is notice.

Hold company with yourself so sacred that even when you are alone you are whole.

First Responses

The first thing I noticed was how I felt after completing the collage. I felt calm, quiet. I felt more peaceful about this stage of my life.

My second response was that I didn’t need to understand or uncover the deeper meaning of the collage at that very moment. I am willing to let the collage’s guidance unfold over time, but I am not blind to the fact that this collage reflects my own season of life–fall into winter. And in many ways it is a bittersweet time. And a time of ongoing losses, but still there is light. There is companionship. There is time to read and write and be.

And I chuckled about the word “content.” Do I mean content as in subject matter or materials? Or am I referring to the adjective meaning “satisfied”? Or both?

Ah, there is much more to mine here.

Revisiting My 70 Collage

This collage is busier, full of activity and lighter, greener, lusher. More than one allusion to openness–open gates, open door, open window and a path stretching in front of me. Along with a labyrinth. I think to myself, “There must not have been any pictures of a labyrinth in my box of pictures or surely, I would have included it on my 75th collage.”

Of course there are books, but also a feather in this collage, too. A house that looks very much like our garage and a smiling older woman. I also take note of the prickly plant in the corner of the page and a pile of rocks that seem to taunt, “Beware. Obstacles ahead.”

Scattered on the collage are the following phrases: Choose simplicity, keep growing, learn something new, make room for what matters, and breathe deeply. It occurs to me how much those words describe my life in the last five years and how much those words still appeal to me–and give me direction.

Next Steps

I know over time I will reflect on the similarities and the differences between the two collages and what this new collage offers me in this stage of life. I will ask myself what surprised me and what is missing.

Over the years I have created collages as part of receiving or clarifying my word for the year. I also create a new collage when I clear my bulletin board and just can’t part with each image. In other words the ritual of creating a collage is a nurturing spiritual practice and an aid to ongoing discernment.

An Invitation

Do you have any rituals to mark a significant birthday or occasion in your life? I would love to know.