purpose

Life in the Elder Hallway

/ nagneberg48 / 6 Comments

July 2, 2024

Come join me in “Paris.” On gorgeous summer days this is where you might find me–writing letters and emails, dipping into my basket of miscellaneous meditation books and saved articles, jotting notes to myself, adding to my To DO and TBR lists, and often taking a deep cleansing breath, as I open my journal for more reflection time.

These are rich, but quiet days. Days I need right now.

I am reading for the second time How To Walk into a Room, The Art of Knowing When to Stay and When to Walk Away by Emily P. Freeman. Freeman uses the metaphor of a “room,” to reflect on decision-making and changes in our lives. Freeman emphasizes the importance of naming the room we inhabit now, and I am more and more aware that my current room is a room of elderhood, of old age.

This room is spacious with several corners and areas designated for different aspects of my life: my work as a spiritual director, as the facilitator of a writing group, as writer of this blog, along with my identities including wife, mother, grandmother, friend, sister, and active church member. The room has a number of doors often open to welcome others and windows, reminding me to pay attention to the diverse movement around me. There are places to sit for solitary reflection and for attentive conversations.

In my 60’s I often said I hoped my elder years would be a time of expansiveness–a time to grow bigger–and I needed a BIG room. Now, however, in my 70’s I have revised that thought. Instead, this is a time of deepening. And I think my room encourages that intention to deepen, to grow deeper into who I was created to be. That fits right now, but at some point, perhaps my room will be smaller, and I won’t need as many designated areas. My room will modify into a room of contentment. Not passiveness, but a contemplative contentment.

My father seemed to live in that room in his last years–his 80’s into his 90’s. He spent much of his day in prayer and meditation without realizing that he was living as a contemplative in his last room. That was not a word familiar to him, but when I offered it to him, I could see that it resonated, and he accepted, even welcomed it.

This summer, however, I think I am in a hallway. Wandering beyond my room, but not far from it. I am just a bit antsy, for I have had more open time than what has been normal for me. Most of the time that feels good, for it means I have more time to read and more time to respond to whims, and more awareness of how I want to use my energy and the pacing needed along the way.

Freeman describes hallways in this way:

A hallway is a place of permission. It's a space where you're allowed, compelled even, to ask your questions, perhaps the kinds of questions that your rooms haven't allowed. It's a space to try on possibilities and to reimagine what could be.

The hallway may be the space between two rooms,...but it could also be a pause, a space where you enter just for a time, to clear your head, to take a beat, to weigh your options, to remember who you are...it's a waiting room, a bridge, and a deep breath. pp. 94-95.

In this hallway I have encountered some words to ponder.

  • Job died, an old man and full of days. (Job 42:16) Margaret Silf in her Daily Readings says, “To die an old man is one thing; but to have lived a life in which every day was really lived, that is quite another. ” p.201
  • From a laugh-out loud novel I am currently reading, Sandwich by Catherine Newman: “(‘Dad and I defrosted the chest freezer’ is an actual text I once sent in response to a question about our weekend and how it was going.)” p. 45
  • Sara B. Franklin describes Judith Jones in her new book The Editor, How Publishing Legend Judith Jones Shaped Culture in America in this way, “she wore her age like a fact.” (quoted in the NYT Book Review by Alexandra Jacobs, Sunday, June 30, 2024)
  • “I’m making space for the unknown future to fill up my life with yet to come surprises.” Elizabeth Gilbert

Each of these quotations feels true to me, to whom I am now and the person I am becoming and the person I was created to be. The trick is finding the rhythm, the space in my room, for each of these truths. And that’s where the hallway comes in –or in my case “Paris.”

You are welcome to join me there.

An Invitation

How would you describe the room you are inhabiting now? I would love to know.

Notes for Democracy:

What will you do today to save democracy? I plan to write more “get out the vote” postcards. Check out my recent post, “A Postcard Primer” https://wordpress.com/post/livingonlifeslabyrinth.com/3619 for links to participate in postcard campaigns. And I highly recommend reading today’s newsletters by Robert Hubbell and Heather Cox Richardson about the Supreme Court’s attack on democracy. https://heathercoxrichardson.substack.com https://roberthubbell.substack.com

Finding Purpose as We Age

/ nagneberg48 / 10 Comments

April 4, 2023

“I have time now to try new things, but also the need to use this time well.”

” I feel called to do something, to create community.”

“How important it is to be intentional.”

“This time keeps evolving and one thing seems to lead to another.”

“How can I best use my energy?”

“I sometimes say to myself, ‘I get to do this,’ and that brings me joy.”

Last week I facilitated a Third Chapter conversation called “What Now? An Informal Conversation about Purpose and Meaning in the Elder Years.” Third Chapter activities and opportunities are designed for those 55+ and focus on ways to grow spiritually and to explore both the gifts and the challenges of these years. In recent months many have gathered to share insights and thoughts, as well as questions and concerns about a variety of topics, including downsizing and decluttering, choosing the next place to live, making plans about funerals and memorials, and nurturing intergenerational relationships. In preparation for this conversation, I realized I needed to create a purpose statement for myself; some guiding words as a way to sort and focus how I choose to use my energy and time and gifts. First, I browsed a number of books in my personal library about aging to see what resonated with me:

  • Pay attention to your inner compass.
  • What is asking for more attention?
  • This is a time to come home to the self, the person I was created to be.
  • Know yourself. Know your boundaries. Know your gifts. And then be generous.
  • Aging is the gift of continuing on.
  • Cultivate your power to inspire. Be a muse and a guiding spirit.

My next step was to think about what I love to do, what I am currently doing, and what I feel I do well. And I thought about how those things relate to my spirituality, my relationship to the Divine, and to my ongoing quest to understand who I am created to be. And then I thought about what is possible, given my age, my energy, my relationships and my community.

David Steindl-Rast’s words, “When you can’t go far, go deep,” have become a guiding mantra for me in recent years. In my case, what I choose is to go deep. And, to help others go deep as well. Ah, I could feel myself growing closer to defining my purpose, or if you prefer, “call,” or even “vocation,” although that word sounds more applicable to an earlier time of life.

No surprise, I then sat with my journal and tried on some words and phrases to see how they fit. I realized, as the words came together quickly and easily, that thoughts about this stage of my life have been percolating and evolving and emerging.

My purpose is to deepen awareness of the movement and presence of God in my own life and the lives of others.

I took a deep breath after writing those words, letting them flow through me, inviting them to float around me. Do they sound pompous? Pious? “Holier-that-Thou?” I thought about questions I ask my spiritual direction clients frequently. How are you noticing the movement of God in your life now? When have you experienced the presence of God? I ask myself these questions, too, all the time, whispering to myself, “May I feel the presence and be the presence.”

Yes, this is my purpose statement, I told myself, but how is it I intend to live this statement right now, right here.

  • By writing.
  • By facilitating groups.
  • By listening and asking questions.
  • By living a contemplative life.

Over time these specific ways to live my purpose may change, may evolve, and I imagine if I live many more years, my focus will be on the gifts of a contemplative life, but my overriding purpose statement feels as if it can live within me for the rest of my days.

I wrote my purpose statement and intentions on a small card that sits in front of me on my desk, and I practice saying it aloud, sharing it with others. My hope is to fully integrate the words into both actions and contemplation.

How grateful I am for the wisdom and insights shared during our Third Chapter conversations, and for the opportunity those times offer to learn from and to support one another during this time of our lives, for as Joan Chittister says, “The gift of these years is not merely being alive–it is the gift of becoming more fully alive than ever.”

An Invitation

What is the purpose and meaning of your life at this stage of life? Have you written a purpose statement? I would love to know.

NOTE:

An essay I wrote, “Actually, Your Children May Want (Some of) Your Stuff” recently appeared in Next Avenue, a digital publication produced by Twin Cities PBS(TPT), which is dedicated to covering issues that matter most as we age. Here’s the link: https://www.nextavenue.org/your-children-may-want-your-stuff/ I hope you will read and share with others.