call

Paying Attention and Declaring a Time-Out

/ nagneberg48 / 8 Comments

July 11, 2023

Recently, I experienced a week of wondering if it was time to let go of some or all of the activities that have been important in my life in recent years, such as facilitating the weekly writing group at church or meeting with spiritual direction clients. The week was a busy one, and I confess as I approached each item on the calendar, I wished them away. I even felt some anxiety about my ability to lead well, to listen well, to respond and be open. I felt little, if any, enthusiasm for what during other weeks I anticipated with eagerness and interest. Was I simply impersonating an old version of myself, of what I think I should do, continue to do, instead of want to do, feel called to do in the most glorious, joyous way?

Each day as I looked at my calendar and noted what was required for the day, I asked God to just get me through to the point where I could say, “Whew, that’s done.”

That’s not exactly what anyone needs in a spiritual director or in a teacher or leader.

Over a year ago I immersed myself in a period of intentional discernment about whether or not I should continue writing and revising my spiritual memoir or was it time to say, “Enough. Let it be.” Eventually, I decided yes, it was time to let go of working more on the memoir, hoping to find a publisher or deciding to self-publish. That decision continues to feel right.

Now, however, am I entering a new time of discernment? Is it time to retire? I am 75, after all, so that doesn’t seem like an out of the ordinary question. And if it is time to change the menu of my days, what does that mean? How can I continue in my various roles if I no longer feel drawn to them or have energy for them? Has the call I have felt for so long ended?

Big questions.

Then a curious thing happened. And it happened with each appointment and each event. Over and over again during the week.

First of all, I showed up. I left my reluctance outside the door, and I showed up. And then much to my surprise, I engaged. Actually, I re-engaged. And each time I felt a surge of gratitude and love and delight.

In each instance I noticed the movement of God.

But I am a slow learner apparently, for I moved through almost the entire week wondering, as Nadia Bolz Weber has said, if it was time to walk gently away from where I have planted my flags. My flags of identity, of who I say I am.

Finally, while sitting in silence, feeling weary and uninspired, I realized what I needed was something quite simple. I needed a time-out. I didn’t need to make a big change in my life. I didn’t need to announce a Sacred No to all I have loved doing. Instead, I needed to shout a Sacred Yes to some temporary spaciousness. Some simple rest and restoration time. Some time on the patio and in our “Paris” garden. Some unfilled days.

I didn’t need to change my life. I didn’t need or want to retire. I just needed to create some space around myself.

This is not a time to discern the pros and cons of a big decision. That may come at any point, but not right now. Nope, what I actually need to do is pay attention–to the tickly nudges and the quiet melody in the background. I need to close my eyes lightly, not tightly, and feel gentle breezes smooth my rough edges, as well as “the timeless embrace of God,” as Henri Nouwen says.

Not an ending, but a time-out.

The timing was perfect, for the weekend leading to July 4th was at hand, and we had nothing planned. Spacious days beckoned me, and I said, “yes.”

By the way, I am now back to more normal routines and schedules, and I am happy to be there. All is well. Well, indeed.

An Invitation

When do you know when you need a time-out? I would love to know.

Finding Purpose as We Age

/ nagneberg48 / 10 Comments

April 4, 2023

“I have time now to try new things, but also the need to use this time well.”

” I feel called to do something, to create community.”

“How important it is to be intentional.”

“This time keeps evolving and one thing seems to lead to another.”

“How can I best use my energy?”

“I sometimes say to myself, ‘I get to do this,’ and that brings me joy.”

Last week I facilitated a Third Chapter conversation called “What Now? An Informal Conversation about Purpose and Meaning in the Elder Years.” Third Chapter activities and opportunities are designed for those 55+ and focus on ways to grow spiritually and to explore both the gifts and the challenges of these years. In recent months many have gathered to share insights and thoughts, as well as questions and concerns about a variety of topics, including downsizing and decluttering, choosing the next place to live, making plans about funerals and memorials, and nurturing intergenerational relationships. In preparation for this conversation, I realized I needed to create a purpose statement for myself; some guiding words as a way to sort and focus how I choose to use my energy and time and gifts. First, I browsed a number of books in my personal library about aging to see what resonated with me:

  • Pay attention to your inner compass.
  • What is asking for more attention?
  • This is a time to come home to the self, the person I was created to be.
  • Know yourself. Know your boundaries. Know your gifts. And then be generous.
  • Aging is the gift of continuing on.
  • Cultivate your power to inspire. Be a muse and a guiding spirit.

My next step was to think about what I love to do, what I am currently doing, and what I feel I do well. And I thought about how those things relate to my spirituality, my relationship to the Divine, and to my ongoing quest to understand who I am created to be. And then I thought about what is possible, given my age, my energy, my relationships and my community.

David Steindl-Rast’s words, “When you can’t go far, go deep,” have become a guiding mantra for me in recent years. In my case, what I choose is to go deep. And, to help others go deep as well. Ah, I could feel myself growing closer to defining my purpose, or if you prefer, “call,” or even “vocation,” although that word sounds more applicable to an earlier time of life.

No surprise, I then sat with my journal and tried on some words and phrases to see how they fit. I realized, as the words came together quickly and easily, that thoughts about this stage of my life have been percolating and evolving and emerging.

My purpose is to deepen awareness of the movement and presence of God in my own life and the lives of others.

I took a deep breath after writing those words, letting them flow through me, inviting them to float around me. Do they sound pompous? Pious? “Holier-that-Thou?” I thought about questions I ask my spiritual direction clients frequently. How are you noticing the movement of God in your life now? When have you experienced the presence of God? I ask myself these questions, too, all the time, whispering to myself, “May I feel the presence and be the presence.”

Yes, this is my purpose statement, I told myself, but how is it I intend to live this statement right now, right here.

  • By writing.
  • By facilitating groups.
  • By listening and asking questions.
  • By living a contemplative life.

Over time these specific ways to live my purpose may change, may evolve, and I imagine if I live many more years, my focus will be on the gifts of a contemplative life, but my overriding purpose statement feels as if it can live within me for the rest of my days.

I wrote my purpose statement and intentions on a small card that sits in front of me on my desk, and I practice saying it aloud, sharing it with others. My hope is to fully integrate the words into both actions and contemplation.

How grateful I am for the wisdom and insights shared during our Third Chapter conversations, and for the opportunity those times offer to learn from and to support one another during this time of our lives, for as Joan Chittister says, “The gift of these years is not merely being alive–it is the gift of becoming more fully alive than ever.”

An Invitation

What is the purpose and meaning of your life at this stage of life? Have you written a purpose statement? I would love to know.

NOTE:

An essay I wrote, “Actually, Your Children May Want (Some of) Your Stuff” recently appeared in Next Avenue, a digital publication produced by Twin Cities PBS(TPT), which is dedicated to covering issues that matter most as we age. Here’s the link: https://www.nextavenue.org/your-children-may-want-your-stuff/ I hope you will read and share with others.