Author: nagneberg48

Sacred Spaces

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July 25, 2023

Last week I spent a day at the Minnesota Landscape Arboretum. Being there is always a delight, but this time I had a specific purpose. In August I am offering an informal writing retreat there for the participants of the weekly writing group I facilitate, (Actually, anyone is welcome to attend. Let me know if you would like details.) and my field trip was part of my planning process.

I decided to go on the narrated tram tour which drives by the various display gardens, the sculpture garden, demonstration gardens, the maze, and the Chinese garden, giving such a good overview of the arboretum. The day was gorgeous, and I so enjoyed the guide’s insight into the workings of the arboretum.

At one point the guide stopped the tram by the prairie garden, and in that brief pause I felt my heart lift.

Each time I have viewed or walked prairie land, I have had that same feeling. I sense the sacred in the movement of the grasses as they respond to a gentle breeze, in what feels like untended and random colors and textures, and in the spacious, almost unending stretch where earth meets sky.

I wasn’t born on the prairie nor have I lived on the prairie. I have lived in urban areas most of my life, but the prairie expands my awareness of the movement of God. I sense the presence of God when I am in the prairie.

I have had that experience in other times and places, as well. For example, each time I walked through the gates of the Chautauqua Institution in New York, I knew God was waiting for me there. When we first encountered Sweetwater Farm, our home for eleven years in Ohio, I knew not only was I home in a way I had not felt for a long time, but I knew God was directing my steps there. And I felt that with every return time, whether it was after a quick grocery shopping trip or several days away on vacation.

Sometimes a place’s sacredness is palpable, but sometimes the sacredness of a place emerges over time.

Sometimes the sacredness of a place seems obvious, like the labyrinth at Chartres, but sometimes it is surprising or felt only in a specific moment. A baptism. A memorial service. A family dinner. A walk with a dear one. A quiet moment on the patio.

Sometimes one’s presence enhances or reveals the sacredness waiting to be known in that time and space. I hope this doesn’t sound egotistical, and I am hesitant to say write this, but often my garret feels sacred. This is where I meet with my spiritual directees; where we open ourselves to the mystery of the Divine.

Sometimes a space is sacred because it reveals our own inhumanity, begging us to care for one another. For example, I remember standing on the bridge overlooking the Tallahatchie River where Emmett Till’s body was dumped and also the courtroom where Till’s murderers were acquitted. Those sites recently were designated as national monuments. Sacred sites.

Are we drawn to a space because it is inherently sacred or do we create sacred space because of what we bring there, who we become in that space? Yes.

In sacred space I am aware of the movement of God both in that space and in my life. I become present to the presence of God, and I glimpse the person I was created to be, even just in that moment.

May it be so.

An Invitation

When have you experienced sacred space? I would love to know.

Book Report: Louise Penny and Susan Hill

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July 20, 2023

For many years August was marked by the release of a new Louise Penny mystery. More recently, however, her new book was been published in the fall. This year? Does anyone know if a new Inspector Gamache will join the ranks of the previous 18 books? I have not seen or heard anything, and I started to panic that I may need to re-read them all again –for the third time.

Fortunately, I have a new plan. I will read all twelve of Susan Hill’s Simon Serraillier mysteries. Years ago I read The Various Haunts of Men, the first in the series probably about the time it was published in 2005 and before the second one was released. I remember enjoying it very much and am delighted to have rediscovered this series. And now there are twelve of them!

Last week I read #2, The Pure in Heart. I suspect I will want to re-read the first one, but this book does a good job of refreshing my memory about #1.

Simon Serraillier is a police detective in the English village of Lafferton. There is a charming map at the beginning of the book–that’s always a plus for me. Simon is on a vacation in Venice, however, at the beginning of this book. He has gone to relax and recover from the death of a colleague. Along with being a detective he is an artist and is preparing for an exhibition, which apparently happens in a future book.

He returns home when he learns that his younger sister, who has been severely handicapped since birth and resides in a care home, seems to be be dying. Soon after returning home a young boy in the village is kidnapped, and that serves as the main plot line.

The plot is important, of course, but I am intrigued by the characters, many of whom I assume will be continued presences in the next books. Simon has another sister, Cat, who is a physician and is pregnant with her third child, and a brother who lives in Australia. They are triplets. One of the side stories involves what Simon considers to be a casual relationship with an older woman, Diana, who wants the relationship to be more serious. And there is also his “sidekick” Nathan Coates–how important those sidekicks are in police procedurals.

I have been adding so many titles to my TBR lists in recent weeks, but they may each take a back seat to this series. The third one is called The Risk of Darkness. Excuse me while I make a trip to Half-Price Books in hopes of acquiring that one and any others in the series. Oh, and by the way, Susan Hill is more properly known as Dame Susan Elizabeth Hill. Lady Wells.

An Invitation

Do you enjoy reading series? Which ones have you loved? Are you waiting for the “next one” in a series? I would love to know.

A Time to Celebrate

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July 17, 2023

For Celebration

Now is the time to free the heart,
Let all intentions and worries stop,
Free the joy inside the self,
Awaken to the wonder of your life.

Open your eyes and see the friends
Whose hearts recognize your face as kin,
Those whose kindness watchful and near,
Encourages you to live everything here.

See the gifts the years have given,
Things your effort could never earn,
The health to enjoy who you want to be
And the mind to mirror mystery.
		John O’Donohue 
                To Bless the Space
                Between Us, A Book of Blessings

How close the words “celebration” and “blessings” feel to me.

This past weekend our family gathered to celebrate my husband’s and my 75th birthdays. Bruce’s is later this month, and mine was in April. When our family asked how we wanted to celebrate this milestone birthday, we expressed our desire for all of us to simply be together, to have time to enjoy one’s company, to be in each other’s presence.

That is not as easy as it sounds. Our son Geof and daughter-in-love Cricket live in Cleveland and have demanding jobs and a busy life. Our St Paul family, daughter Kate, son-in-love Mike and our grandkids, Pete and Maren juggle MANY balls, including Pete’s summer baseball and football training schedules.

Yes, finding a time when we could all be together was challenging. Yesterday Pete left on a 19-day hiking trip in the Rockies and could Maren manage some time away from her summer job at Northern Lights, a YMCA family camp in northern Minnesota? She leaves for a semester in Greece at the end of August and won’t be home till Christmas, so being together seemed even more important.

Thanks to everyone’s cooperation and Kate and Cricket’s organizational skills, the weekend happened, and it truly was a celebration. A blessing to be held tenderly and lovingly in our hearts and memories.

The “doing” was great fun–going to Pete’s last baseball game followed by pizza at a local brewery, a Saturday pontoon cruise on White Bear Lake (Maren was our captain because one of her jobs as director of outdoor activities at camp is to be in charge of the pontoons); dinner at an excellent restaurant, The Lexington or “The Lex,” a St Paul tradition; church where we filled an entire pew and introduced Geof and Cricket to that loving community; lunch at Kate and Mike’s club (we had intended a poolside afternoon, but it was too cool); and an evening movie, Mission Impossible, at the iconic Riverview movie theater, which has the best popcorn anywhere.

Even more special than the “doing” was the “being.” The being together. The laughing. The catching-up and the connecting. The strengthening of our bonds of love. The opportunity to know one another more deeply–who we are now and the ground and the paths that brought us to this point.

At one point I asked everyone to tell about a memorable birthday. Interestingly, several of us shared stories about our 40th birthday celebrations. For example, Bruce and I each had surprise birthday parties for each other. That topic led to more stories about memorable celebrations and tales about earlier years. Throughout the weekend I kept thinking about other memorable birthdays like my 50th when we visited Kate and Mike in Tanzania where they did mission work for a year and more recently the 70th birthday party they had for us, inviting friends and family.

I thought about how in past years we have celebrated those who now are no longer physically with us, but also how Pete and Maren have so much living ahead of them–celebrations, along with unwanted changes and challenges. More and more I feel the blending of past, present, and future, but perhaps this is a topic for another day.

Often on a birthday card I write, “May you feel celebrated.” Well, Bruce and I felt celebrated, for sure, but I think what was really celebrated was the love and acceptance and joy of our family’s ongoing life. What a blessing that is.

An Invitation

What have you celebrated recently? How was that a blessing in your life? I would love to know.

Reading Days

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July 13, 2023

Actually, to be accurate, one reading day became several reading DAYS.

Since we had no plans for the 4th of July or the weekend leading up to it and because it was so hot, I declared a time-out, and for me that always means reading time. My husband, who loves to read, too, posed no arguments, but he did suggest a field trip to mark the beginning of our reading days.

One year when our children were young and we couldn’t afford to go away on a vacation, we had a staycation. One of the days that week was B Day, which stood for “Bookstores, Bakeries and Batman.” (The first Batman movie had just been released.) We went to more than one bakery and more than one bookstore, where we each could choose a book –or was it two–and then we ended the day by going to the movie. A day we all remember fondly.

We decided to honor the last day of June and the entrance to July with a B Day with a slight modification. One bakery. One bookstore. And no Batman.

First Stop: A Bakery

We had a hard time choosing what to eat right then and what to bring home from this new french Vietnamese bakery. I guess we’ll have to go back.

Second Stop: A Bookstore.

A small, but oh so deliciously packed bookstore dedicated to mysteries and thrillers and true crime books. A little overwhelming, but I had my list, and Bruce was looking for more books by C. J. Box. We both left with a nice stack. I especially appreciated a section dedicated to books that are first in a series. I bought the first in the Vera Stanhope series and the first in the Shetland series, both by Ann Sleeves because we have enjoyed watching the BBC TV series over the years.

Along with the Ann Cleeves books, The Crow Trap and Raven Black, I bought:

  • Death at Darkening Mist by Iona Whishaw. This is #2 in the Lance Winslow series. I am willing to give this a try, even though I have not read #1. Lance Winslow is a former British Intelligence officer who yearns for a nice, quiet life, but alas, the body of a Russian man is found in the local hot springs and…
  • The Pure in Heart by Susan Hill, #2 in the Simon Serrailer series. Serrailer by the way, is described as a “dashing detective,” and that’s good enough for me. Years ago I read the first in the series, The Various Haunts of Man, and I remember so liking it, but nothing else about it. Perhaps I will need to re-read #1 before reading #2.
  • Murder Flies the Coop by Jessica Ellicott. a Beryl and Edwina Mystery–most certainly in the English cozy category. This was the wild card of the day, and I admit the pleasing cover influenced me, but doesn’t this description sounds fun: “One would hardly call them birds of a feather, but thrill-seeking American adventuress Beryl Helliwell and quietly reserved Brit Edwina Davenport do one thing very well together–solve murders…”

Third Stop: Back Home and My Favorite Reading Chairs

For the next few days–right through the 4th of July, I read and read and read. I didn’t read any of the recently purchased books from Once Upon a Crime, but instead selected from other books waiting for me on my TBR shelf.

  • Our Woman in Moscow by Beatriz Williams. First, I finished reading this book, which was my wild card selection from an earlier bookstore field trip, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Williams writes historical fiction, and this book, set mainly during the Cold War, is inspired by the spy ring, known as the Cambridge Five. However, the main characters and the story that unfolds is fiction. In 1948 Iris Digby vanishes from her London home with her American diplomat husband and their two children. Several years later her twin sister receives a postcard from Iris expressing the need for help. And the plot thickens…
  • The Midnight Library by Matt Haig. This book has been on the bestseller list for such a long time and is now finally in paperback. A fantasy in which the main character, Nora seeks to end her life, but instead is given a chance to explore paths she could have taken. Each book in “the midnight library” offers the opportunity to undo regrets. This is a book to read in one sitting on a hot day, such as we just experienced, or on a cold blizzard day. Oh, my favorite chapter title is “If Something Happens to Me, I Want to Be There,” and I also like the term used throughout the book, one’s “root life.” Not a great book, but a pleasant diversion from whatever demands diversion.
  • The Stationery Shop by Marjan Kamala. This book showed me how timing is everything. I had checked this book out of the library when it was first released and quickly discarded it. I have no idea why, but I recently heard some reviews of this book and decided to give it a second chance. I am so glad I did, for I Ioved it. Set mainly in Tehran in 1953, a time of revolution, two young people meet in a stationery shop. Of course, they fall in love. And then there is a coup, and I don’t want to reveal anything more about the story, except that I cried two different times while reading it.
  • Sea of Tranquility by Emily St John Mandel. This woman can write! I loved Station Eleven, but for whatever reason put off reading this 2022 title. Yes, this is time travel, which normally doesn’t appeal to me, but this treatment is subtle and compelling. Set in four different time periods, early 1900s, 2020, 2203, and 2401, one of the characters is on a mission to uncover an event that crosses all of those years—without changing what happens in the future. A favorite quote:

“—and my point is, there’s always something. I think, as a species, we have a desire to believe that we’re living at the climax of the story. It’s a kind of narcissism. We want to believe that we’re uniquely important, that we’re living at the end of history, that now, after all these millennia of false alarms, now is finally the worst that it’s ever been, that finally we have reached the end of the world.”

  • Writing the Sacred Art, Beyond the Page to Spiritual Practice by Rami Shapiro and Adam Shapiro. I like to read a few pages in a book about writing before I work on an essay. I finished this book during the days of reading and noted material to adapt for the writing group I facilitate. The chapter, “Writing to Open the Mind,” was especially compelling.

So…five books in five days. My idea of heaven. Why not try a B Day or Days for yourself?

An Invitation

Have you ever given yourself a reading day or days? I would love to know.

Paying Attention and Declaring a Time-Out

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July 11, 2023

Recently, I experienced a week of wondering if it was time to let go of some or all of the activities that have been important in my life in recent years, such as facilitating the weekly writing group at church or meeting with spiritual direction clients. The week was a busy one, and I confess as I approached each item on the calendar, I wished them away. I even felt some anxiety about my ability to lead well, to listen well, to respond and be open. I felt little, if any, enthusiasm for what during other weeks I anticipated with eagerness and interest. Was I simply impersonating an old version of myself, of what I think I should do, continue to do, instead of want to do, feel called to do in the most glorious, joyous way?

Each day as I looked at my calendar and noted what was required for the day, I asked God to just get me through to the point where I could say, “Whew, that’s done.”

That’s not exactly what anyone needs in a spiritual director or in a teacher or leader.

Over a year ago I immersed myself in a period of intentional discernment about whether or not I should continue writing and revising my spiritual memoir or was it time to say, “Enough. Let it be.” Eventually, I decided yes, it was time to let go of working more on the memoir, hoping to find a publisher or deciding to self-publish. That decision continues to feel right.

Now, however, am I entering a new time of discernment? Is it time to retire? I am 75, after all, so that doesn’t seem like an out of the ordinary question. And if it is time to change the menu of my days, what does that mean? How can I continue in my various roles if I no longer feel drawn to them or have energy for them? Has the call I have felt for so long ended?

Big questions.

Then a curious thing happened. And it happened with each appointment and each event. Over and over again during the week.

First of all, I showed up. I left my reluctance outside the door, and I showed up. And then much to my surprise, I engaged. Actually, I re-engaged. And each time I felt a surge of gratitude and love and delight.

In each instance I noticed the movement of God.

But I am a slow learner apparently, for I moved through almost the entire week wondering, as Nadia Bolz Weber has said, if it was time to walk gently away from where I have planted my flags. My flags of identity, of who I say I am.

Finally, while sitting in silence, feeling weary and uninspired, I realized what I needed was something quite simple. I needed a time-out. I didn’t need to make a big change in my life. I didn’t need to announce a Sacred No to all I have loved doing. Instead, I needed to shout a Sacred Yes to some temporary spaciousness. Some simple rest and restoration time. Some time on the patio and in our “Paris” garden. Some unfilled days.

I didn’t need to change my life. I didn’t need or want to retire. I just needed to create some space around myself.

This is not a time to discern the pros and cons of a big decision. That may come at any point, but not right now. Nope, what I actually need to do is pay attention–to the tickly nudges and the quiet melody in the background. I need to close my eyes lightly, not tightly, and feel gentle breezes smooth my rough edges, as well as “the timeless embrace of God,” as Henri Nouwen says.

Not an ending, but a time-out.

The timing was perfect, for the weekend leading to July 4th was at hand, and we had nothing planned. Spacious days beckoned me, and I said, “yes.”

By the way, I am now back to more normal routines and schedules, and I am happy to be there. All is well. Well, indeed.

An Invitation

When do you know when you need a time-out? I would love to know.

Book Report: June Round-Up

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June 29. 2023

NOTE: I am going to take a blog break next week. I will resume posting on July 11.

What is reading? Reading is…

…an activity whose value, while broadly proclaimed, is hard to specify. Is any other common human undertaking so riddled with contradiction? Reading is supposed to teach us who we are and help us forget ourselves, to enchant and disenchant, to make us more worldly, more introspective, more empathic and more intelligent. It’s a private, even intimate act, swathed in silence and solitude, and at the same time a social undertaking. It’s democratic and elitist, soothing and challenging, something we do for its own sake and as a means to various cultural, material and moral ends.

A. O. Scott in “The Reading Crisis,” New York Times Book Review, June 25, 2023

This month’s reading included many of the “shoulds” as listed in A. O. Scott’s essay, as well as the contradictions–reading as a private act, as well as a social undertaking. So here goes–a summary of June’s reading hours.

Fiction

Earlier this month I wrote about The Postcard by Anne Berest and Father by Elizabeth Von Arnim and my appreciation for both, although wildly different books. (Posts on June 8 and June 15)

  • Horse by Geraldine Brooks. I always enjoy Brooks’ books, and this one was no exception, although the “horse world” doesn’t much interest me. However, with all her books, there is more than one layer. The book weaves the story about one particular horse, Lexington, a race horse at the end of the Civil War, with finding the skeleton of that horse over a hundred years later at the Smithsonian. On its own the story of the horse’s trainer/groom, a slave named Jarrett, was fascinating, but I also enjoyed the contemporary figures in the story–a graduate student in art history and a woman who works at the Smithsonian. The story is based in fact, and now the skeleton of the horse is on view at the horse museum in Kentucky.
  • No Two Persons by Erica Bauermeister. The epigraph for this book is “No two persons ever read the same book or see the same picture.” The Writings of Madame Swetchine, 1860. At times I thought the book was a bit contrived, but still I enjoyed the concept of the book. Alice has written a novel called Theo, and the rest of the book is about certain readers and how they related to it. The readers include the woman at a literary agency who “discovered” the book and passed the manuscript on to the agency’s owner; a teenage girl who is homeless; a movie intimacy consultant; and others. Two quotes I like:

The story on Alice’s computer screen had been finding its way into words for more than five years, or maybe forever. Over that time, it had grown, changed, creaked, flown, gone silent, and then gained its voice again, its plot taking unexpected paths, its characters turning into people she hadn’t thought they would be, just as she had. This glowing screen, the one constant. p. 5

Because if that wasn’t what art was all about, in the end, mentally shoplifting your way through the world around, the thoughts inside you. p. 105

  • The Half Moon by Mary Beth Keane. This is a portrait of a marriage in which each individual has a passion that threatens to destroy the marriage. Jess desperately wants a child and Malcolm wants to own the bar, The Half Moon, where he has worked for years. Their individual yearnings get in the way of being honest with each other. The ending was a bit too fantastic I thought, but I hurt for both of them and rooted for their marriage.
  • The Covenant of Water by Abraham Verghese. A BIG book. 715 pages. Usually when I read a book of this size, I want to be swept away by it, but that was not the case for me with this book. There were times when that happened–quite a few actually, but I was not enamored of all the medical references and descriptions. Others will be intrigued by them, I am sure. Also, the frequent use of Indian words in italics distracted me, although usually I was able to figure out the meaning from the context. (I am embarrassed by how privileged I sound!) That being said, I liked each of the characters and their stories, beginning with a 12 year old girl in 1900 who enters an arranged marriage in southwestern India. (That marriage does turn out to be happy, however.) The book ends in 1977 and along the way we meet many characters, many of whom are affected by a medical “condition.” Yes, there is sadness and even tragedy along the way, but these are good people attempting to live a good life. Ultimately, I liked this book, but I didn’t love it.
  • The Housekeeper and the Professor by Yoko Ogawa. Translated from the Japanese by Stephen Snyder. Who would have thought I would so enjoy a book that involves so much about mathematics and, as if that weren’t enough, baseball. The professor is a math genius who has a traumatic brain injury and only has 80 minutes of short term memory. That means his housekeeper and her 10 year old son, who spends time there each day after school, have to introduce themselves to him everyday. They form a family of sorts and each of them care and caretake in their own way.

The Professor loved prime numbers more than anything in the world. I’d been vaguely aware of their existence, but it never occurred to me that they could be the object of someone’s deepest affection. He was tender and attentive and respectful; by turns he would caress them or prostrate himself before them; he never strayed far from his prime numbers. Whether at his desk or at the dinner table, when he talked about numbers primes were most likely to make an appearance. At first, it was hard to see their appeal. They seemed so stubborn, resisting division by any number but one and themselves. Still, as we were swept up in the Professor’s enthusiasm, we gradually came to understand his devotion, and the primes began to seem more real, as though we could reach out and touch them. I’m sure they meant something different to each of us, but as soon as the Professor would mention prime numbers, we would look at each other with conspiratorial smiles. Just as the thought of a caramel can cause your mouth to water, the mere mention of prime numbers made us anxious to know more about their secrets.

pp. 60-61

Nonfiction

  • Reconfigured, A Memoir by Barbara Wolf Terao. I was asked to read an advanced copy of this book, which will be released on July 18. The book is about the author’s breast cancer journey in the context of an unhappy marriage. How important it is to be able to tell our story about traumatic times in our lives, and I admire the author’s ability to honestly wrestle with both the physical and the emotional challenges. I have read a few cancer memoirs, since experiencing cancer in my own life–over 20 years ago–as well as the lives of friends and family, and I think what we look for in these memoirs is a deeper understanding of why we responded the way we did and how we cope and if we are lucky, how we grow and change in life-affirming ways. This book explores how to have the “strength to be a survivor.” The author respond to people’s perception of her bravery in this way.

I would come to hear that phrase from many people over the course of my treatments, and it was never a comfort to me because I knew I was not brave. I was doing what I had to do to stay alive. Inside, I was kicking and screaming about this turn of events–and what I was required to do to my body. I wondered if people lauded my bravery as a way of distancing themselves from cancer and the fears conjured up by that word, and if so, I really didn’t blame them.

pp. 81-82
  • Writing Begins with the Breath, Embodying Your Authentic Voice by Laraine Herring. This book focuses on the writing of fiction, but there was lots applicable to the writing of nonfiction. I read a chapter each of my Writing Wednesdays and especially appreciated her chapters on a “deep writing process.” If I started including quotes in this post that resonated with me, I would have a very long post indeed. If you are a writer, add this title to your TBR list. She has also written The Writing Warrior, Discovering the Courage to Free Your True Voice. I have only read a few chapters in that book, but it is very good, too.
  • Why Did Jesus, Moses, the Buddha, and Mohammed Cross the Road? Christian identity in a Multi-Faith World by Brian D. McLaren. I am a big McLaren fan. He always makes me think and often gives voice to issues I have, but didn’t necessarily know I had. In this book he asks two key questions: Can you be a committed Christian without having to condemn or convert people of other faiths? and Is it possible to affirm other religious traditions without watering down your own? In his usual fashion, he writes in an accessible way, but each page also includes helpful and clarifying footnotes.

SO that was June and now it is on to July. I am planning to use some of my non writing time in the coming days to read–I hope on the patio and in my secret garden, “Paris.”

An Invitation

What did you read this last month? Any recommendations? I would love to know.

A Ritual for 75

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June 27, 2023

Wednesdays are my designated writing days; one day each week to write for venues other than my blog. After recently submitting essays to two online publications, I felt unfocused. I had no shortage of ideas, topics, and themes to explore, but I felt unsettled. As someone who likes to be productive and certainly doesn’t want to waste my precious Writing Wednesdays, I was irritated with myself.

The majority of my essay ideas relate to aging as a spiritual practice. I jotted down possible topics, including clearing the space, sacred yes and sacred no, and opening to a more contemplative life. These topics all appeal to me, and I think are important ones to share with others, but I just couldn’t move my fingers on the keyboard. Sigh.

Then I remembered the collage I made when I turned 70 in 2018. I made that collage both to honor that milestone birthday, but also to envision how I hope to live as I age. For the past five years that collage has been a touchstone as I made decisions about ways to spend my time and use my gifts.

Perhaps it was time to make a new collage. I turned 75 this past April, and frankly, that new number felt daunting to me. Scary is too strong of a word, but I confess I didn’t feel as lighthearted or as blasé about this birthday as I have in other years. Don’t get me wrong, I am grateful to be 75 and beyond grateful for the privileged, lovely, and loving life I have, but still, I can feel myself holding my breath as I think about this time in my life.

Making the Collage

I quickly sifted through the stash of pictures I keep in a pretty flowered box; pictures torn out of magazines, outdated calendars, and greeting cards too appealing to toss. I quickly sorted them into two piles: the “maybe” pile and the “nope, not today” pile. Selecting some of the images from the “maybe” pile, I arranged and pasted pictures on two pages of a large sketchbook. I did this quickly, not reflectively.

Almost every collage I have made over the years has included at least one open door, and this one is no exception, but beyond the doorway is darkness.

I also see a hazy picture of a person holding an open book, along with shelves of books in a light comfortable setting that reminds me of my beloved garret. And a sleek fountain pen similar to the one I use when I write in my journal; a long-ago gift from my husband.

Fall scenes and winter scenes. A branch of bittersweet, and an empty porch swing covered with snow. A lit lantern, a feather, a view through the windshield of a car. Two people at sunset.

And words.

Light

Breath

View from here

Prayer

Pause

Content

I selected two quotations, as well.

You don’t always have to try so hard to live each day to the fullest. Each day is full all on its own. All you have to do is notice.

Hold company with yourself so sacred that even when you are alone you are whole.

First Responses

The first thing I noticed was how I felt after completing the collage. I felt calm, quiet. I felt more peaceful about this stage of my life.

My second response was that I didn’t need to understand or uncover the deeper meaning of the collage at that very moment. I am willing to let the collage’s guidance unfold over time, but I am not blind to the fact that this collage reflects my own season of life–fall into winter. And in many ways it is a bittersweet time. And a time of ongoing losses, but still there is light. There is companionship. There is time to read and write and be.

And I chuckled about the word “content.” Do I mean content as in subject matter or materials? Or am I referring to the adjective meaning “satisfied”? Or both?

Ah, there is much more to mine here.

Revisiting My 70 Collage

This collage is busier, full of activity and lighter, greener, lusher. More than one allusion to openness–open gates, open door, open window and a path stretching in front of me. Along with a labyrinth. I think to myself, “There must not have been any pictures of a labyrinth in my box of pictures or surely, I would have included it on my 75th collage.”

Of course there are books, but also a feather in this collage, too. A house that looks very much like our garage and a smiling older woman. I also take note of the prickly plant in the corner of the page and a pile of rocks that seem to taunt, “Beware. Obstacles ahead.”

Scattered on the collage are the following phrases: Choose simplicity, keep growing, learn something new, make room for what matters, and breathe deeply. It occurs to me how much those words describe my life in the last five years and how much those words still appeal to me–and give me direction.

Next Steps

I know over time I will reflect on the similarities and the differences between the two collages and what this new collage offers me in this stage of life. I will ask myself what surprised me and what is missing.

Over the years I have created collages as part of receiving or clarifying my word for the year. I also create a new collage when I clear my bulletin board and just can’t part with each image. In other words the ritual of creating a collage is a nurturing spiritual practice and an aid to ongoing discernment.

An Invitation

Do you have any rituals to mark a significant birthday or occasion in your life? I would love to know.

Book Report: Books and More

/ nagneberg48 / 6 Comments

June 22 2023

Last week my husband and I roamed, and you know what that means–checking out bookstores and libraries. Our destination was Spooner and Hayward in Wisconsin’s lake country. For many years my parents owned a lake home on Teal Lake outside of Hayward, so when our children were young we made that trip many, many times–most every weekend in the summer. Lots of wonderful memories.

Going to the lake always included packing books. What might we want to read on the deck or the beach or the pontoon or in front of the fireplace? There was no time for reading on this recent day trip, but we did buy books to take back home with us.

Our first stop was Northwind Book and Fiber, and it almost could have been our last stop, for I kept finding books I just had to have. Only my husband tempting me with a donut from the bakery a couple doors away speeded up my selection process. This store carries a terrific selection of backlist titles, and I quickly decided not to buy any brand-new titles, but to look for some older ones on my TBR list. I did well! This bookstore is now one of my personal favorites.

I was especially pleased to find The Housekeeper and the Professor by Yoko Ogawa. I have had this on my “hold” list at the library for a LONG time, but someone keeps renewing or not returning the two copies. This book, by the way, is the last one I have left to read on my fiction 2022 TBR list. A bonus: the store owner said it is one of her all-time favorite books, and she always has a copy on the shelf. I suspect she has already placed an order for a replacement copy.

My WILD CARD selection is West With Giraffes by Lynda Rutledge. I know this has been recommended to me, but I had not added it to my TBR list–who knows why. Well, seeing it, reading the first couple pages, I knew I needed to add this to my stack.

I am embarrassed to say I have not read Emily St John Mandel’s acclaimed Sea of Tranquility. Not sure why, especially since I loved Station Eleven. My granddaughter is a big fan of Mandel’s and that’s reason enough to read more of Mandel’s work.

I’m a little concerned I have already read The Female Persuasion by Meg Wolitzer, for I have enjoyed other books by her. I don’t own it, however, and it is just one of those books that feels good to hold–chunky and inviting. It has occurred to me to read not only all of her books, but those by her mother, Hilma Wolitzer. Another enticing book project.

The other three books, Red at the Bone by Jacqueline Woodson, The Stationery Shop by Marjan Kamali, and The Dictionary of Lost Words by Pip Williams have all been recommended to me by more than one source. Yum!

And what did my husband buy?

  • Open Season by C.J. Box
  • A Double Death on the Block and A Small Death in the Great Glenn both by A.D. Scott
  • The Language of Trees, A Rewinding of Literature and Landscape by Katie Holton.

From Spooner we continued to Hayward, which was so packed with tourists, we decided not to linger, but instead drove further to a small little town called Cable. We remembered taking our kids to the charming little library there, and I was thrilled to see it was still there. Jammed with books–such a cozy place to browse and read.

Part of the library at one time was a small natural history museum with scenes of flora and fauna. Now there is a big new natural history museum where I chatted briefly with my totem animal, canis lupus.

Cable also has a small independent bookstore, Redbery Books. Bruce bought Spider Lake, A Northern Lakes Mystery by a Wisconsin writer, Jeff Nania, but I was more restrained. For once.

Outside the library, by the way, is this sweet carving. The book the bear is reading is Where the Wild Things Are.

Not only do we use our plat map books when we roam, preferring back roads to the main ones suggested by Google maps, but we also consult the Midwest Indie BookStore Road Map. We wouldn’t want to miss any independent bookstore on our route!

Oh, and one more fun book treat. A friend who is a retired University of Minnesota librarian sent me this new version of Monopoly. How fun is this. I have printed the image for my book journal, and we’ll see how well I play in the coming months.

One last thing–I promise. What am I reading now? I have finally started reading The Covenant of Water by Abraham Verghese. I am surprised to say it is taking me some time to get into it, but maybe that is good or otherwise I wouldn’t be doing anything else. I will keep you informed about my progress.

An Invitation

Do you have any book related treats to report? I would love to know.

LINKS: https://www.northwindbook.com https://www.redberybooks.com

Summer Spirituality

/ nagneberg48 / 4 Comments

June 20, 2023

After leaving “Paris,” our side garden and quiet, private space where I often enjoy lunch during the summer, and following the walkway to the back door to return to work time in the garret, this is what I see. Lushness. A multitude of colors and textures. Evidence of God’s creation, but also humanity’s creativity and effort.

I often say I am more of a winter person than a summer person, and that is basically true, but then I breathe in this beauty, thanks to the gifts of the master gardener with whom I live, and I think some part of me must be a summer person, too.

Perhaps acknowledging that I am more than one thing–that I am a winter person, a summer person, a fall person–is a reminder to continue the spiritual journey towards wholeness. To reach towards the person I was created to be, as my awareness of that whole creation continues to unfold.

Notice that I didn’t say I am a spring person. Minnesota often skips the spring season, going from snowstorm to heat stroke without the in-between of temperatures steadily and gently becoming warmer. The need for short sleeve shirts and open windows, along with a desire for trips to the lake, happens when our closets are still stuffed with winter coats, hats, mittens, and boots, and beds bulge with flannel sheets and heavy quilts.

Spring seems confusing to me, even irritating. I can do without the spring one day and the return to winter again the next. I have trouble finding a rhythm that works for me in the spring and spend time trying to understand what is basically unknown–as in “Is spring finally, actually here?” Probably not.

L. M. Montgomery, the author of the Anne of Green Gables books, once wrote , “I wonder what it would be like to live in a world where it was always June.” Is that a wistful statement; a statement wishing it was always June? is that mainly an awareness of the beauties of June or is it a desire for the status quo, a comfort with the ways things are in the moment? Or is it a statement of concern? What if nothing ever changed? What if we didn’t grow? What if life was one way and one way only? What would happen if I remained tethered to my younger self and didn’t grow further into wisdom?

If I am to continue to grow into wholeness, as I know in my heart, the Divine, the Holy, desires for me, then I am called to be a spring person, too. I’m not sure exactly what that means, but perhaps summer will give me some perspective.

The seasons change. Today is a summer day and tomorrow will be, too. but it will be one day closer to fall. Today I am 75, two months, and 6 days old, and tomorrow I will add one more day to that tally or, if the unknown and unexpected occurs, I will no longer be any age. I think I am beginning to learn during these elder years how all the seasons of our lives add up to the wholeness of a life, the totality of who we were given the opportunity to be.

I hereby declare I am a summer person. I am a fall person. I am a winter person, and yes, I am a spring person, too. And I don’t want to waste one day or take any day, any season for granted.

Bloom where you are planted.

Mary Engelbreit

So you think this is just another day in your life? it’s not just another day. It is the one day that is given to you…today.

Br. David Steindl-Rast

An Invitation

At the recent writing group I facilitate, I posed the following questions for reflection:

  • What have you learned during the winter and spring months that will enhance these summer months? What do you bring with you from the recent months? What is unfinished? What do you need to leave behind?
  • What do you need this summer? A change of pace and/or place? Rest? Inspiration? Connection? What is the call for this summer?
  • What are your hopes for the summer? What is possible? What might the challenges be this summer?
  • Is there a spiritual practice calling you or a new approach or intention for something you already do? How might you open more to the presence of God in your life?

Your thoughts? I would love to know.

Book Report: A Jane Austen Companion–Father by Elizabeth Von Arnim

/ nagneberg48 / 5 Comments

June 15, 2023

What a treat this book was! Father by Elizabeth Von Arnim (1866-1941) is one of the books in the British Library Women Writers series. I have read books by a few of the series’ writers, including E.M. Delafield, Mollie Painter Downes, and May Sinclair, and even another title by Von Arnim, The Enchanted April. However, I have not read any of the titles in this series, and I admit I was attracted to Father’s perky pink cover.

The book is so much more than its pleasing cover, I am happy to report, and I think Jane Austen would be pleased to have Von Arnim as a colleague, a fellow observer of life and love and the roles of women in a specific time period.

In fact, I imagine the following quote could just as easily be from Pride and Prejudice or one of Austen’s other books.

In that quiet village, where nothing ever was different, the coming of a stranger was anyhow an event, and when the stranger was a spinster with no apparent raison d’etre for living there such as writing or painting, the event might as well be called stirring. Certainly it would stir the parish. The thing to aim at was that it shouldn’t stir James, True that if it did, thought Alice remembering the new tenant’s appearance, he must be really morbidly stirrable. Still–propinquity; a bachelor, a spinster, separated only be a handful of tombstones…

p. 65

I chuckled. Outloud. And that was not the only time.

The basic plot, which is set in post WWI around 1930, is that Jennifer, age 33, has promised her dying mother that she will care for her father, who is a novelist. In fact, she is trapped, unappreciated and without any life of her own. Her father unexpectedly marries a woman younger than Jennifer and while they are on their honeymoon Jennifer sees an opportunity to escape. She yearns to live in the country and leases Rose Cottage from the local vicar and is determined to live on the small yearly amount of money her mother left her. The bachelor vicar is James whose older sister Alice, also unmarried, lives with and runs his life. And the plot with all its ins and outs and improbabilities goes on from there…

I realize not everyone will be attracted to this book, but I love long, involved sentences and the unraveling of inner and often contradictory thoughts. I enjoy a book where there is a clear sense of place and attachments to homes and gardens. Rose Cottage is dilapidated and an uncared for mess, but Jennifer is delighted with its simplicity and with the opportunity to make the gardens and the small home her own. I was reminded of a very early reading experience in my life, a book my grandmother gave me, Dandelion Cottage by Carroll Watson Rankin (1864-1945) about four young girls who turn a rundown little house into their summer playhouse.

This book has historical significance, too, for it was written at a time when there were 1.7 million more women than men in the U.K. Marriage was not always possible, even if it was desirable. Also, in 1928, Virginia Woolf gave a lecture stating that women need an income and a room of their own. A version of the lecture was published as A Room of One’s Own the following year.

Does Father adjust to Jennifer’s escape? Do James and Jennifer marry? What happens to Alice? And I haven’t even mentioned another vicar named Denilish whom Jennifer in her mind refers to as “Devilish.”

Quite simply, I loved it.

An Invitation

Have you ever chosen a book because of its cover? Did it live up to its promise? I would love to know.