August 1, 2023
The steps to the garret needed a fresh coat of paint. The white was dingy and scuffed –no matter how much I scrubbed, and frankly, I was tired of scrubbing. The first decision was to change from white to a pleasant blue, but the second decision was harder—when?!
I spend a lot of time in the garret. I meet with clients there. I write there and do other desk tasks there. That’s where I create the materials for my groups. My spirituality library and lots of other stuff is there. Plus, the walk-in closet houses the majority of my clothes.
Since it was too hot to work in the garden, my husband volunteered to take on the project, but the sanding, painting, and drying process would most likely take three days–maybe more.
I needed to move my center of operations. Fortunately, I have a good alternative. The snug. I even have a desk there, and some of my clients prefer to meet there, instead of climbing the stairs. Up and down I went, moving my laptop, printer, lots of files. LOTS of files, as I considered the projects I needed to work on for the next few days. Stapler. Thesaurus. Oh, and clothes and shoes. What would I want to wear?
Much to my surprise, the space felt comfortable and cozy and I enjoyed working there. If I needed to live only on the first floor, the snug could be my office.
Even more of a surprise: the stairs were finished and dry in a couple days and I returned to the garret.
This temporary move plus the fact that we are in the early talking stages about remodeling our first floor bathroom to include a shower (The only shower in the house is in the bathroom in the finished lower level) makes me think even more about the conversation we elders seem to have every time we get together.
Next steps. What will be our next home? And when? And, of course, the ongoing conversation about the process of getting to that next home –the dreaded downsizing!
Bruce and I plan to stay in our home as long as possible, bringing in services as needed. What would that mean? Is it possible to live only on the first floor, for example? How do we need to prepare for that possibility? Would I stay in this house if Bruce were to die before me? No. I would find it challenging to maintain the home (His gardens!) and would prefer to move into a nice apartment. He, however, would stay in the house if he survives me.
That’s what we think now, but who knows what might influence a different answer and outcome. And who knows when that will happen.
How important it is to stay aware of what we are thinking and feeling. What do we need to do now, in order to live our elder life in the best way possible? What do we worry about? What are we experiencing? Enjoying?
How am I changing and what does that mean to how I live? How do I want to use my energy? And how can I stay open to change and ways of coping and managing that change? Am I willing to receive and even ask for help?
How important it is to listen to the messages I state so vehemently to myself and perhaps to others. Are there areas where I am in denial or stuck?
“I will not get a hearing aid.”
“I will never use a cane.”
“I will not move into assisted living.”
“I will not give-up driving.”
“I can’t live without all my books.”
“We have always had Christmas here and we always will”
OR…
Fill-in the blank.
Sometimes I think we elders return to our two-year old toddler beings. “I won’t do it, and you can’t make me.”
How important it is to continue the conversation. What concerns the family members who love and support us? How is it we hope to live as we age and how can we make that happen? How can these years continue to unfold and enfold us as the people we were created to be and as the beloved of God?
In the meantime I have returned to the garret, but I have returned feeling more willing and able to open my heart and mind to the gifts and the challenges of my next steps.
An Invitation
What are your thoughts about the next steps, the next place? What gets in the way of being open to those steps? I would love to know.
Living on Life's Labyrinth 
How fitting that stairs – comprised of steps – began the musings about “next steps.” I love this blog, for you certainly capture where I am now….not an easy time, just as stairs aren’t as we age. We are turning the corner, as your first picture depicts, aren’t we? THANK YOU!
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You are a genius. I hadn’t made the connection between the stair pictures and NEXT STEPS, and, of course, now that seems obvious! Thanks so much.
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I love the revamp! And such thought-provoking questions. I’m still in my first own-it-myself home, and have only been there 6 years – but it’s very small and doesn’t have room for all my books, so will have to move at some point. But I love it and can’t afford anything bigger without sacrificing the village location and the character. Tricky tricky!
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Yes, such a balance. I’m always intrigued by ideas in home decor magazines or blogs about how to incorporate books into our spaces. I suppose I could stack books on the steps, but, instead I am trying to be more conscious of what I really want and need to keep. Thanks for becoming a subscriber to my blog.
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I always have trouble with this. It says I sent a message 2x but I don’t see it.
Ok, here goes again.
BTW – I love the color of your steps!
I look at a house as a tool for living. If you live in an abode long enough, it may go through many iterations, from newlywed starter home, spaces added for little ones, moderations for pets and hobbies, spaces changed for growing children, and so on. You get it.
Then comes the empty nest. It seems refreshing and freeing but also bears some loss and grief.
Then comes the later years, if we’re lucky, which may necessitate changes for mobility issues and simplicity. Again, that can involve loss and grief because of the abandonment of dreams and visions.
The house is the tool but also the home with memories and emotions attached.
I try to keep an open mind and spirit that the changes are part of living a full life. Let me enjoy and savor each stage, not regret them.
Well, that’s my rambling. You’re a much better writer than I am, Nan.
Linda
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Sorry you have had problems leaving a comment. A techie I am not!!!! I usually have to approve comments before they appear, and that may take some time. Anyway, I love your thoughts, especially the idea of our homes as a tool. A spiritual tool, yes. And there is shadow and light with every stage, with every change, and your hope to live a full life no matter what is just what we each need to remember. Thanks for your kind words.
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Love the new color. How inviting!
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Thanks–I’m pleased with it, too.
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What I have learned is that aging in place is very doable and mostly preferable 😊. It is helpful to able to live on one floor, if need be. I’m set up for that and grateful. The pandemic has brought new ways of doing things, such as ordering groceries to be delivered. Ordering drugs on-line and pretty much anything we could possibly need. Of course the thing we all want to hang on to is our vehicle which is our independence. That is what I pray for. My car. 🙏😊. But then, there is always Uber 🤷♀️.
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Great attitude, Paula!
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I love the words you use, shadow and light, to characterize a human condition.
Today, partly due to this blog’s inspiration and some introspection, I am on a role in modifying our living space. Woohoo! What a hoot!
Thanks for this blog and your talent.
Linda
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LOVE the new color of these stairs! Your husband did a great job.
My husband and I are younger than you and Bruce (in our early 60’s) but we already have conversations about the things you mentioned. My hubby has 2-4 more years til retirement (he might work til age 67 because of insurance coverage for me – I’m younger), but…what then? Will we stay here? We have lived here 33 years. We love our home and yard, but not so much the neighborhood. (Though we know that’s a crap shoot no matter where you go.) I also already dislike the stairs. We live in a ranch home with a finished basement. We rarely use the basement family room but the laundry and storage is in the basement, so I’m up and down the stairs many times during the day. I would like to live on one level. Another factor – the weather here in northeast IL. I hate winter. I would love to go somewhere warmer, such as Tennessee. But then I think about my mother, who is 83 and lives on her own about 40 min from us. Who would take care of her if she needs it as she gets older? My sister is estranged from our family.
Like you and Bruce, if my husband passes away before me, I will not stay here. It’s too much for me to maintain on my own. I would move into a townhome. But if I pass away before my husband, I have a feeling he would stay here as long as possible. He hasn’t really said.
Have a wonderful week!
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SO many factors, but so good you and your husband are talking about possibilities. Holy talk.
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